A beautiful Mess

 

Where to start…

I feel slightly lost right now. In this moment.

I don’t know where my life is heading and I don’t know why I am doing what I’m doing.

But that is ok.

We need to embrace the unknown and uncertainty of life.

It’s just that I feel I need to know everything and have a clear plan with results straight away. I fear being in the dark. I know it is society that has conditioned me this way; conditioned everyone this way to some extent.

Turning against that requires courage. The courage to say ‘I don’t know, but I am ok with that.’

I don’t know,

and I am trying to be ok….

The problem I feel is other influences and motives. If I thought clearly about everything and made decisions based on what my authentic self is saying then I think I would be happy, I would feel aligned. I may still not know where I was going but at least I would know that every step that I was taking would be my own and that would empower me to continue. To take control of my own destiny. Because if you add all the steps together then it results in something huge, epic, amazing. When you add the steps together you realise that you have maybe arrived at your destination without even knowing. Or maybe you are still walking. That is ok too.

I think my intentions have become impure; my steps are maybe in the wrong direction; I am detouring; going in circles.

If I am completely honest, recently I have become too focused on money. I know I need to trust that money will come to me when I need it. I know I need to accept my life situation.

But it is hard.

I think I am still living with expectations, but these will not grant me happiness. Not now and not tomorrow. Expectations have the opposite effect.

If I am expecting money and beauty and perfection; striving for these things in my life, they will not manifest. These things are shallow and meaningless anyways, but yearning for them will not attract them.

I believe when I am in a state of wanting these things then the universe will try to teach me a lesson: The lesson that I am perfect without. We all are. The only way we can learn this lesson is by not being granted these things we wish for, only then we will realise that we already have them, we already are beautiful, rich, perfect. We are these things and more. But we must realise that in order to have them. For some people it may never click, but for those whom it does, they will be living in abundance forever.

Namaste.

Journaling always helps me immensely when I am feeling down or confused about life. I wanted to share with you what I journaled last night because it might be helpful if anyone else feels the same. It is so good to share how we are feeling because so often others feel exactly the same and together we can get through it and learn. Above is what I wrote and afterwards my mood had shifted, I felt like a heavy weight had been removed. It reminded me how grateful I am, everyday, for life.

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