This morning I was drawn to the river. I don’t know why. I just knew that I had to go and sit there for a while…
However I have a slightly irrational thought pattern in life, in that I need everything to have a reason or purpose behind it. I very rarely do things just because. This is something I am trying to work on, but years of conditioning are making it not so straightforward to undo.
I noticed this today because I wanted to go to the river, however the little voice in the back of my head said that I needed a reason to go, I would be wasting time otherwise. I decided to take my camera and take some pictures for my website and Instagram, that way my trip would be ‘useful’ and I could justify it to myself. This all sounds ridiculous I know. But so many of our thoughts and reasoning behind things is not rational. It is good to become aware of these so that we know the true reason we are doing things in life.
I was aware that my need to have a purposeful morning was maybe not serving me in this moment, but I ignored it and carried on anyways. I went to look for my camera and found that it was out of battery and the charger was missing.. not a coincidence!
So I went to the river, without my camera, just to meditate because I felt like it. When I got there I sat down on a stone that I chose very carefully, and immediately I felt a feeling of bliss wash over me. I felt at home.
I am not sure how long I sat by the river. I sat there until I couldn’t feel my feet or my bum. I sat there and watched a rock for so long that it turned into a rhino and looked as though it was walking. I sat there feeling my heart fluctuating between peace and stillness and deep deep happiness. Sometimes my mind would become clouded with thoughts and what I was feeling in my heart would fade into the background. Every time this happened I was able to tune into the sound of the river and wash away my thoughts, returning to stillness and returning to bliss.
At one point, the little voice in the back of my head (that we all have) told me that people would think I was lazy. This voice has been telling me this a lot recently, especially since I dropped out of university. I am terrified what others will think and terrified of not getting their approval. I think this voice in my head lives of other people’s approval of me and thus compares me to others and is constantly worried what people will think.
Then I realised that I don’t care. This realisation came from my heart, from my true Being, I knew it was true. I realised that it is ridiculous to live my life thinking and worrying what others would think of me. Seriously, what a waste! I was enjoying being present, whilst part of my mind was imagining what other people are going to say/think about me. Do I really want to be wasting my energy on this? No. I was grateful for this insight and got back to my task at hand of observing the river.
I was reflecting on my walk home about my experience and I realised that life is not random. Something so small as my camera being out of battery, lead to me having a totally different experience. That will trickle through into my day, and I am confident my day will look completely different to what it would have looked like if I simply went to the river to take pictures. Life is not random and we shouldn’t ignore all these little ‘coincidences’. The universe is subtly leading us to where we need to go, it is pushing us in the right direction so that one day we will understand our purpose. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and we should totally honour that: good or bad we should be grateful for everything.
I started laughing on my walk back because I also realised that sitting by the river wasn’t a waste, I had gained something invaluable from it: I had gained presence. I would be able to bring that presence into the rest of my day, into the rest of my life, and it would have a dramatic impact.
To conclude this story, I want to say that I know that the universe lead me to the river this morning. It lead me there so that I could gain and practice being present, and I will have this for the rest of my life. I have also gained a very valuable insight into the way I think and thoughts that are not serving me. I am ready to let them go.
None of this was random. It was all meant to happen. However small and insignificant it seems, it was meant to happen. However good or however bad, they are all lessons that we can learn from. We should see them as gifts and be grateful that we are being guided through our lives. Wherever you end up that is perfect. That is where you are meant to be.
I firmly believe that everything in this world happens for a reason, we may not know the reason but we should honour it either way and simply trust..