This morning I have learnt, yet again, another invaluable lesson from my yoga practice…
I had a rubbish night last night. I woke up at 3am terrified from a vivid nightmare about death. I lay in my bed with a strong uneasy feeling, too scared to move. I don’t often have ominous dreams so this one really shook me. It came to me that death might be my biggest fear.. In the past I have dismissed death, but recently I have been thinking about it a little more and if I am completely honest it is something that scares me.
I finally drifted back to sleep and then I had a dream about another of my fears: my boyfriend finding someone better than me and leaving. This dream came out of the blue because this is not something I worry about, however I know that it leads back to my lie which is “I am not good enough”. I have been working on reversing this lie that I tell myself, so I think that is why it is at the forefront of my mind right now.
The result of all this was that when my alarm went off at 6.30 this morning I was not in the best mood. My dreams were spinning round my head and it felt as though my whole being was consumed with fear. I felt this in my body and it didn’t feel good. My shoulders were so tight from all the anxiety I could barely move them.
I got on my mat and started my day with some yoga, as I do everyday. I was going through my sun salutations and I still couldn’t get my dreams out of my head. I felt breathless and my yoga practice didn’t feel right. I was completely not in the present moment and my fears were still all I could think about.
I gave up all control in my practice. I let go of the sequence I had planned on doing and I even let go of my breath. I turned my favourite playlist up super loud and just let my body flow to the music.
I found that the more I flowed I began to relax. I let go of my fears one by one and slowly my breath returned. It was loud and confident and took over my practice. My breath lead my movements and I was simply riding the wave. It felt amazing. Two hours later I was lying in savasana without a single fear in my heart and a massive smile across my face.
The lesson I have learnt is that I should trust in yoga. Trust that yoga will always make me feel better. Trust that yoga will lead me, and it doesn’t need to be the other way around. Trust that yoga has the power to dissolve my fears. I think we all underestimate yoga, but it can do a lot more for us than we think…
Today I have learnt that there is something so beautiful in just letting go with our mind and letting our body lead. For me it feels completely natural. Time comes to a stand still and the moment feels infinite. The joy in my heart arises and I am flooded with bliss. It comes from deep within me and I have never felt so happy.
This morning it would have been so easy to stay in bed and wallow in my own misery for a while. This would have lead to me having a shitty day. Instead I turned it around without even realising. Yoga keeps me sane and I love it more than I ever could have imagined…
If you want to check out my ultimate yoga playlist, it is on Spotify HERE.