I am starting writing now and I don’t know what I am going to write.. I have no agenda today, I am simply going to start typing and see what words wish to come out of me..
Usually I have already thought up a title, a theme, a topic, for when I write a blog post. I know the purpose, I know the why. This is how I am in life! I like to know the purpose for doing something, I am not very good at doing things without a reason, but it is good to let go of that..
I was at my yoga teacher training this weekend and it was amazing. That is why I have been a bit quiet on this blog.. I have been so overwhelmed with excitement that any time I get to myself I can feel my soul crying out for stillness. This is good, it is restoring balance once again to my life.
At this weekend we had this beautiful lady called Lucie come and do some chanting with us, she really was amazing. I had a lot of resistance to the chanting at first. I didn’t know who this lady was and I felt as though she was making it up, I have studied a bit of Sanskrit myself so my ego kind of kicked in and I felt like the expert.. This manifested as resistance and me holding back.
Once I heard her story I let it all go. Through her vulnerability we were all able to connect to her on a much deeper level and you could feel the energy shift in the room. Our chanting changed, we became more in tune, more together. It became a meditation for us all and we got truly sucked in..
I loved the chanting after that. I found it like music.. It was a song that we didn’t know the words too or where it was going but we all sung it together anyways with all our hearts. It was divine.
The chanting had some weird effects on me though, and I wasn’t the only one.. I had such a bad headache after it, clearly a physical manifestation of the day, and then both nights after the chanting I had some very wacky dreams. Almost nightmares, well they were nightmares. I had a recurring nightmare come back for me and it brought a lot of suppressed emotions up, that morning I spent the whole of my meditation (45minutes) crying out what had to be released. I felt better.
I don’t know why the chanting had this effect on me, Lucie said it was something to do with the vibrations of sound.. but I don’t know exactly. I just know that it brought up a lot of stuff that I thought I had let go of, but maybe I haven’t..
How do we know when we have let go? You think you have and then it comes back, you are forced to let go once again, but we never know if that will be the last time.
Maybe we can feel it, maybe there is a massive sense of relief and lightness when you have let go for the very last time.. I will see, I don’t think I have felt that yet.
All I know is that every time I let go I do feel a tiny bit lighter. I can breathe again. The stuff I carry on too isn’t as heavy as a lot of people’s stuff, however it is heavy for me. We all carry a load and to us that load is big. We shouldn’t compare our ‘shit’ to anyone else’s, this is what I have learnt. Don’t sweep your problems under the carpet because you think they are not important, they are important and you should give them the time and space to heal that they need.
We are all the same. We all have the same emotions and the same fears. We are all the same. Maybe the sooner we realise this we can stop putting each other down and finally start to help each other up, help each other through the hard times that are an inevitable part of life. I know that I sometimes struggle to have empathy for others, but when the same thing happens to me I want all the understanding in the world. Give what you wish to receive, that is what matters here.
I don’t really know what this long ramble has been about, it was just another thing I had to let go of I guess. It is weird, in the process of writing this I have felt a great pain in my chest. I don’t know why.. It feels almost like indigestion however in the area of my heart, and I haven’t eaten in a few hours so I don’t think it can be that.. Maybe it is just another thing I have to let go of.. they will keep coming until I am finally free.
I invite you now to join me in letting go. What can you let go of right now that is going to make you lighter, happier, more at peace? Let it go. Maybe it will return tomorrow, but that is ok. Just let it go again. There is no need to hold on to things any more, we can all be free..
Shanti (peace) and namaste (the light in me honours the light in you)
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