i am still figuring this all out.

i want to be really real with all of you guys, today I have realised and want to share that..

I am still figuring this all out.

 

 

I am still trying to figure out my life; figure out my purpose; figure out the answers to the many questions I have on a daily basis.

Some days I feel as though I am there, as though the answer is right in front of me and I am on the right path. Other days I have no clue and thoughts muddle round my head and everything is unclear..

Yet again in my life, I am returning to authenticity. I feel as though I have to do this often. As though many times I am pulled away from my real self. Again it is time to return to who I am and share that with you all…

 

I haven’t been posting so much on my blog recently and I think I have just felt uninspired in my life to do so. Sometimes I wonder where all of this is going, and whether I am actually helping people and making a difference by writing this blog, or if no one really sees it..

This morning was one of those mornings where I wake up and my head is filled immediately with negative thoughts. I kept comparing myself to others and worrying about the future. I felt like I needed to know everything in that exact moment when I woke up, and not knowing right then and there was killing me.

I am not perfect. and most definitely nowhere near enlightened. I am just a regular human being trying to muddle their way through this very confusing life.

 

Let me share some secrets with you…

I don’t always meditate every morning. Some times I will do 5 minutes and give up. Other times I sit there and think, not actually meditating..

I can be snappy when I am hungry

I can take others for granted

I don’t think I give enough appreciation to those around me

I find it difficult to be completely honest (with others and myself)

 

So hey, this is me sharing. this is me opening up and finally trying to get real.

 

I guess I feel compared to share my story because I really do hope that it can inspire others in some way. I want to make a difference. But I find it hard to share the difficult stuff in my life because I just don’t want to come across negative, or as though I am complaining about these things that are really minor, yet they matter to me.

This has always been an issue for me: burying my problems deep down and wearing this mask of ‘my life is perfect’. I find that I am constantly showing only the highlights of my life, and that just does not feel real. But I hate to show the negative points because I am scared what others will think..

I know this is an ego thing, or at least I think it is. I think that I seek validation from the outside world and by showing off my ‘successes’  I believe that maybe I will find what I am looking for: others will see me as someone to admire and I will be happy. But sadly that is really not how it works. The more I only show the best points of my life, the more I become detached from being a real person and the harder it is to get back to that authentic place..

IMG_4206

I had a week in Paris recently and it was there that I realised that I have strayed from the person who I desire to be. I preach about meditation and practicing self love, yet I find myself neglecting those very things in my own life. I realised that where I am right now is the very beginning, I am here to start again. I may not be completely happy with where I am in my life right now but I can accept it and know that it can improve from here.

 

 

I don’t really know what I am trying to say in this post, maybe that there is hope? Maybe that we need to be real? Maybe that life just isn’t perfect and we can try to accept that? I don’t know. Whatever I am saying I hope that this resonates with you in some way. We are all so much more similar than we think. We all feel the same emotions and do go through the same struggles (just maybe they look a little different on the exterior) but essentially we are all the same. I think compassion and empathy are really our greatest super powers as human beings and we should try to remember to use them more often. (I am writing this now more as a reminder to myself than anything else) ..

We are all on our own path through life. We are all doing it alone and trying to figure out the answers on our own. But maybe we don’t have too. maybe we could just turn to the person next to us and ask for help. maybe we could join together and walk our paths together, knowing that at the end of the day we are all heading in the same direction.

so remember that you are not alone. wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you are not alone. whatever pain you feel, I can guarantee that i feel that as well. you might feel as though your life is difficult, but let me tell you a secret: mine is as well. all of our lives as difficult in some way, no one has it easy. whatever image they portray to the outside world do not be fooled, and definitely don’t compare yourself to it because it is just an illusion, not something that you need to crave and want in your life.

 

be happy with your own life where you are right now. accept this space that you are in and work on improving it and yourself but in a way that is authentic to you and no one else.

 

i hope this has helped you in some way.

much love

IMG_4388

You can find me on Instagram @rosa_prosser and also check out my podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud. Here is a list of all my favourite books, and you can support me by signing up to a free trial of audible below. Much much love!

Posted in

7 Comments

  1. Darlin’, this is nothing short of brilliant.

    You do realize that you are describing the classic — and very desirable — Buddhist “beginner mind,” right? I mean, something we’re all supposed to be working toward — like, long term?

    Your willingness to share the less glossy sides of yourself has helped people EVEN MORE than your usual wonderful posts!

    I feel like reblogging it! To my sister site “Timeless Wisdoms”! In fact, I’m going to! Right now!

    PS: I myself can’t recognize faces, remember names, do simple math, remember to honor people’s need for closure or go the right directions you damn block, so don’t feel bad! 😆

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, this means so much to me you don’t even know! I wish you all the best on your journey and so much love xx

      1. Then I’ll tell you also that this has been a singularly popular post on my site. You’ve really hit a nerve!

        It always amazes me when I read of writers — Anais Nin would be a very good case in point — whose “throw away” works — the personal records of their own struggles in coming to the light, stuff they themselves didn’t really consider worthy of publication — ended up lighting up so very many hearts.

        Ooh, that sounded good! I’ll have to remember to take my own advice and not pan myself for publishing the occasional bitchy poem! Haha! For a good one, go to my site and ask for “The Great Goddess in Her Third Trimester”

        You go, gurl

  2. My friend, you are not alone. I have experienced the same things and I’m grateful to you for being brave enough to post it here. Being able to accept where we are, in the moment, is one of the greatest gifts ever. Out of that acceptance comes many blessings. Sending love to you. You are never alone. ~ Blessings, KK

    1. Thank you so much. I love that line “out of acceptance comes many blessings” it is very true and I can feel it resonating with me right now. Much love and happiness and peace!xxx

  3. Thank you for your honest blog 😊 it resonates a lot with my owm experience and right now I struggle with my yoga/meditaton practises and belief in myself.. but things change.. always!! And you do make a difference!! For sure!!

    1. Thank you so so much for your comment, this really means a lot to me. I am glad you can resonate with me and I wish you all the best with whatever you are going through, always believe in yourself because from your comments I can tell that you’re pretty awesome 😉 much love!

Leave a Reply